Tag Archives: personal

Disastrous Post-Op

I had my post-op appointment yesterday after my collarbone surgery on the 18th, and it was disastrous.

Post-op xray

The bone itself is healing fine because the parts are screwed to a metal plate, but instead of the broken part being pulled back down to join the little piece that was still properly seated in the shoulder joint, my loose EDS tissues allowed the little intact piece to be pulled way upward out of the joint completely.

Now the whole bone with the plate is sticking way up like the broken piece was before. Apparently I’ve dislocated the joint completely and no one knows why. Of course, the doctor had “never seen anything like this”.   Continue reading

Surgery went well, but…

Thank you all so much for your queries and support. I feel terrible that I was unable to respond sooner, but here’s my long and convoluted explanation and I hope you’ll understand.

Apparently my head injury was/is much more serious than what happened to my bones. Since surgery fixed the most pressing problem of the broken collarbone, I’ve been having episodes of depression and rage so extreme that I almost can’t stand being conscious.

My husband has been telling me over and over about my crash and answering all my questions, but I keep forgetting not only his answers, but that I even asked the questions. Today, I asked again and heard again that I was not only out cold after my crash, but going in and out of consciousness even after we had come home afterward.

He had repeatedly tried to take me to Urgent Care, but I kept resisting, saying “they are only going to hurt me even more” and “I just need to rest”. I refused to be seen for 3 days until Monday, when I finally realized my shoulder was not going to magically go back into alignment by itself. I and everyone else was completely focused on that part because of the obvious trauma.   Continue reading

Concussion Depression?

cropped xray

Dear blog-readers and friends,

Thank you all so very much for your kind comments. Every little bit of positivity helps slow my slide into despair.

Tomorrow I’ll finally have surgery for my ripped apart shoulder, almost a week after my bike crash. The waiting was first painful and troubling, but now has become agonizing, and my mood has taken a dive into a major depression.

Every day, the pain is worse as the splintered bone ends continue tearing things up inside.

I have no illusions that surgery will “fix” my ripped apart shoulder, especially not after letting the damage continue for almost a week; I expect it will never be quite right or truly pain-free again.

That may sound pessimistic, but from all my research, optimism would be unfounded. Anyone who expects a “cure” of their pain from surgery is left severely disappointed, so I’m merely being realistic.

In addition, I still don’t feel “normal” after hitting my head and being unconscious for a several minutes. I can’t remember things, I have a constant feeling of “unreality” and I have slid into a terrible depression.

I’m clinging to the hope that my feelings of hopelessness and certain disaster could be a side effect of concussion.

My Status – Worse than Expected

First of all, I want to thank you all for your kind words and encouragement. Your comments truly lift my spirits!

But I learned that my shoulder is much worse than I thought: my collarbone is splintered and I have 3 broken ribs. There’s nothing they can do about the ribs, but I will need surgery to have a metal plate put in to stabilize the collarbone.

The surgeon wants to wait a few days to allow the large abrasion on my shoulder to heal, because it is right where he needs to cut.  He’s afraid it could cause an infection with the hardware he is putting in, but he also says that if he waits longer, the bone will work its way through the skin.

So I have to wait two more days at home, with a broken bone that’s poking up under the skin. Now that I’ve seen X-rays of the mess in my shoulder, I can no longer pretend to myself that it’s “no big deal”, and of course that makes the pain feel worse too. I’m looking forward to the surgery so I can start healing properly.



Bike Crash – Cannot blog for a while

I crashed on my bike Friday evening, knocked myself out, got a black eye, and dislocated my shoulder horribly.  Since then, I’ve just been lying on the couch, sleeping most of the time, and waking only briefly. The pain is unreal.

Because doctors are so cruel about pain, I’m afraid to have them reseat my shoulder. They will tell me “this will hurt just a little” and then cause me pain that makes me pray for death. My usual pain meds aren’t even helping with this, so I’m terrified they will hurt me and then leave me like that.

But it’s been three days now and my shoulder seems almost more crooked, so I realize it won’t go back by itself. I have no choice but to let those barbarians at the clinic manhandle my shoulder back into place. I can only hope, they will give me more pain meds to help cope.

Right now we are finally going to the Urgent Care Clinic, which is 23 miles away on a very winding mountain road – I’m not looking forward to the trip. Wish my luck…